My First 3 Minute Fiction Entry

A few months, weeks, I-don't-remember-ago I entered into a contest run by NPR called Three Minute Fiction. Each story has to be able to read in under three minutes and they give you a prompt. This round's prompt was to make the story in the form of a voicemail message. I didn't win but it was fun to write it and I thought that since the contest is over I would post it here.

So here it is:

Hey Billy, It's William by Lisa M. Bello

Beep…

Hey Billy, it's William. I'm getting tired of your childish games. When will you just grow up? This has been going on for three years now. I cannot simply stand by anymore. Every time you pick up that XBox controller you leave me behind. What could be more important than making sure that you have the money for the power bill or making sure that student loan debt gets paid off? You know one day you are going to wake up and realize that you should have listened to me Billy! 

Hey! Are you there? Pick up and take responsibility!

I just can't stand by anymore while you use your Ivy League developed decision making skills to decipher which assault weapon to use in Call of Duty instead of choosing the next step in your business career. I don't care if reaching the next level in Angry Birds makes you happy!  Use that mobile device to pay off that credit card balance! I don't think it's a good idea at all to be wasting your precious time like this. Your happiness does not pay for all those pizzas you consume on a weekly basis. A well paying job does! But that’s right Billy, we don’t have a job! 

We can’t have fun all the time you know. Sometimes you have to take responsibility. Do you know what responsibility means Billy? I can read the definition to you from the dictionary if you are too lazy to look it up online or god forbid, read it in that old dusty dictionary on the shelf!

Here it is:

Merriam-Webster defines responsibility as, the quality or state of being responsible. That means moral, legal, and mental accountability Billy! Something you obviously care nothing about! Do you care about anything in our life?

Do realize that you have not been to the gym for three months?  We bought that membership as a birthday present to ourselves remember? It’s too expensive be left unused! Have I taught you nothing? Do you think Martha would approve of this Billy? After all, I am the one who had to woo her into loving us. All of those fancy dinners out and nice gifts didn’t come from you Billy. They came from me. I, William Soul, did all that. When Billy Soul, the slacker, took over she decided to leave you! A six pack of beer and a pirated movie is not a lady’s idea of a good date night in case you didn’t notice.

This is why you can’t be left to your own devices Billy. This is why I have to continually check up on you. I must confess that we are getting too old for this! 

You know what? I have decided that this will be my last contact with you. From now on, you’re on your own. Don’t call on me when the electricity gets turned off or the repo man comes to collect that awful car you drive. It’s time you learn some lessons on your own Billy. For now it’s goodbye. Have a nice life and don’t feel the need to call me back, not that you ever do anyway.

So until we meet again, I say: Goodbye Billy, William is no longer looking out for you.

Click.

 ***

If you want to read the other ones check out NPR's Three Minute Fiction website here.

Being Crafty Pays Off Sometimes...

So spring is here and so is spring cleaning and updating of households.

I need to do a lot of things this summer to the outside of our home.

The front porch was the only thing that was damaged in Hurricane Sandy and that was barely. We have a wrap around, screened in porch on our house where the screen window panels can be removed completely if you so desire. During the storm, more than half of the screens were blown completely off of the window frames and now need replacing. Also, the frames of said window panes and the entire porch needs to be painted because the current paint is ancient. Its peeling and cracking off in many spots.

It's a good thing I am not one of those women who does not like to get their hands dirty or do anything that is stereotypical for a "man" to do. Some of these activities include sanding, stapling, nailing, and painting. Because I am a craft lover, and self professed "non-girly girl" I look on these projects as fun and best part is I don't have to nag a man to do it. Although my sweety of a boyfriend would probably help me if need be.

Since the northeast is kinda slow on the warming trend this season (it's damn spring and we have yet to hit the 60 degree mark although we are supposed to today) I am going to try to do what I can out there this weekend to prepare for painting. Since I do not have a job currently, these things will take up a good amount of time that I usually just spend thinking about what I have to do next in life.

The garage also needs to be painted but that is most definitely my man's domain, not to say I wouldn't help him if he asked.

:)

This blog contains: Stuff about writing, crafting, and music.

I know, I know...I'm scatterbrained and not that disciplined when it comes to my Good 2013 posts every 15 days.

It's not that I haven't been thankful, I have, I just forgot to jot it down. Just because you don't document something doesn't mean it doesn't happen. In this day of Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, etc. we sometimes forget that.

I think that I will return to it sometime soon. I have been very busy working on my novel as well as other creative pursuits.  I always feel the most creative at the turn of the seasons so thank goodness, spring is coming soon and a lot of ideas and creative urges are colliding in my head.

Today, I played guitar for the first time in a very long time. I would have to say at least two or three months have went by since the last time I have played guitar. It still works it's magic on me. I am still blissfully happy when I am playing and singing at the same time. It's really too bad all the other things that come with perusing music in my life at this time. Money is a big part of it, ability that I just don't have, and - the biggest one of all perhaps - drive. Drive to do it. As I've said before, I can't fake it so I've hit pause on it for now. 

I've had a few failed knitting projects this past week too. I tried using a loom to see if maybe it was faster or easier. Not so. Two needles are probably the way I will keep knitting. The looms are a little wonky and difficult to use if you don't use yarn that is stretchy.  I was trying to make panels for a blanket and the yarn has no give whatsoever. Maybe I'll try again with another project and yarn type.

I think my novel is working itself out to be a series. I don't think the whole story can be told in just one novel. This is just the beginning of the story of The Naturenetics.  I've got I think two or three chapters to go before the first draft is complete. 

Until next time...

I guess maybe I had a quarter life crisis?

Hey all,

I am now finally going to talk about the situation I alluded to in this previous post in January. It took me a while to get my head around everything and now I think I can talk about it.

Of course, I must start at the beginning.

I had been unemployed since February of 2012 from a job I didn't want to lose. Yes it had it's ups and downs and sometimes it was annoying but in retrospect, it was a pretty great job especially my bosses there. I didn't come to this realization really though until I had a very...difficult person to work for.

I had been applying everywhere for about 6 months when I ran across a job posted in the paper. It was along the lines of what I was looking to do so I applied. Coincidentally, I also knew someone who worked at this company and told them I applied. She graciously helped the office manager see that I was the right person for the job and in mid-October of 2012 I got employment there.

The person I knew didn't work for the Executive I was set to work for I but she knew everyone there and for the most part everyone was great. The other people in the same position I was were very helpful to newbie me and I always felt free to ask them about anything I needed to know. This was one of the reasons I stuck around for as long as I did.

I had the usual hiccups of trying to get used to a new job, like learning all about the different departments and who did what (the company was pretty huge) and I was expecting patience from people. I got it for the most part, all except from the Executive I worked with directly. I was his assistant in a long line of previous assistants.

At first I thought I would be okay, I would just ignore his negative and mean remarks towards me and just concentrate on the good about the job. The great benefits, the salary, the close proximity to my house, etc. and also the fact that I wasn't a known quitter at anything. I tried to ignore when he, and I quote, told me that "My best wasn't good enough.". I just chalked it up to his difficult personality when he beckoned me to be silent when he was speaking even if what he was saying was puzzling to me. I tried to not pay attention to the times when I had tears in my eyes from the pressure he put me under to be his idea of perfect. I really tried to be a good employee. Once in a while he would be in a good mood and would lighten up on me a bit. This was another reason I tried to stick around. I guess it was his Sith mind trick.

It was a fast paced enviroment, so I tried to move as fast as I could without making mistakes. I was doing pretty well except for minor things that Executive did complain about to the office manager who then told me. I can take constructive criticism so I remained conscious of my shortcomings. I realized then that I was under his microscope. I could not make a mistake.  But, as we all know, if you are unfamiliar with something and you try to rush your progress, that is where you will make mistakes. And as predicted, I did.

One day in late November, almost an exact month and a half from when I started, Executive asked me for something. Executive had previously told me to keep this certain something on hand and easy for me to get right away. I had done that but as I was still trying to navigate the insane filing system left to me by my predecessor, I had forgotten where the convenient place was. So I had asked him for a keyword so I could search for it on my computer.

He then proceeded to YELL at me in front of several of my coworkers for not being able to give it to him immediately.

For everyone's information, after he basically threw the keyword at me, I found the document in question in under two minutes. I was kinda fuming after that. I told the office manager what happened and she told me to let him cool off. I thought that was a pretty logical thing to do. Again, I ignored the foreboding I felt. Despite everything, I really didn't want to quit! 

I tried to disregard that every day I went to the job I had a nervous stomach. For the first two or three weeks, I thought it was the jitters from starting a new job.  The pains just got worse and worse. I was waking up exhausted and nauseated and had stomach cramps. This went on for the entire time I was there.

I knew it was the job and not my overall health because we had a company wide week off in December during the holidays and I did not have a stomach cramp or pain and I did not feel queasy until I returned to work.  I guess my body was really trying to tell me something. The day I went back to work from the break, the stomach problems resumed.

I went on to work a very busy Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday. On that following Monday, I woke up from a troubled sleep and went to the bathroom and vomited. After I vomited, I began to shake so bad that I couldn't even speak. My boyfriend saw me in this state and suggested I stay home from work. After he left, I began to cry uncontrollably and the shaking kept going. I was in the midst of a full blown panic attack and I was alone.

I did what any girl who has good family around would do, I called my mother. She suggested that I call the HR department of my job and tell them how I felt. I did just that but it didn't solve my problem. I realized that being that no one could help me at the job to diffuse the situation, I had no other choice than to quit.

I guess and you can't change someone's personality and way of dealing with other people. I couldn't change Executive, I could only change me or my situation.

Since then, I had not had a nervous stomach problem or ache or sleepless night. Except when my boyfriend snores of course ;)

I had realized that I needed to change my life for the better.

I needed to finish my college education. I realized that I love to write. I love to be creative and I love to talk about being creative. So, I am going to go back to school to be a teacher. Just like my dad was. Except he taught History for the most part, I want to teach English.

Since unemployment pretty much refused my ploys to collect, even though I told them pretty much the contents of this blog, I am without a job or income now. I want to get a part time job and I am looking. I am a crafty girl and I think I will be okay. If anyone knows of any part time jobs let me know :)

Even though I don't have money, I feel great that I stood up for myself. I never do that.

I guess I realized through all this that I'm not pathetic or stupid or worthless and I need to stop letting people treat me like I am.

It starts now.

"Into the great wide open, under them skies of blue..."

-L.

Good 2013 -The Next 15

Hello all,

Here is the next list of 15 good things in 2013.

It gets hard to write these sometimes I must admit but here they are.

Jan 31 - Vampires make me happy.
Feb 1 - I'm glad I have heat and shelter.
Feb 2 - I put together one of those fake fireplace mantel things all by myself. It's pretty.
Feb 3 - I love to cook and make my own recipes.
Feb 4 - The kindness of my friends and family is not something I take lightly.
Feb 5 - Good to see that I have made a difference in an animals life. Trixie is comfortable enough with us that she is up on the couch now whereas she was very much afraid to before.
Feb 6 - I'm thankful for my ability to create cool looking things. My Etsy shop is a result of that.
Feb 7 - I feel hopeful. Hope is a good thing.
Feb 8 - I'm glad for the first time in I think ever John got to stay home in a snowstorm and didn't have to stay at work. This makes me very happy. I know that he is safe here with me and not floating around somewhere in the snow LOL.
Feb 9 - I went to Hoboken for a while. I'm glad I can look on that city with fond memories. I had/have some great friends who live/lived there.
Feb 10 - Today I submitted to my first writing contest. I probably won't win but it was really fun writing. The prompt was a 3 minute phone message. :)
Feb 11 - I'm happy for the house I live in. It has really changed my life.
Feb 12 - I did something today that I should have done a long time ago. (Answer to this in my next blog.)
Feb 13 - I'm glad my boyfriend loves to cook as much as I do. And clean, I think I'm more glad for the cleaning part ;)
Feb 14 - This day about love was more about patience for me. And I am glad I have both. No candy or flowers or balloons. Just good love and company.

Until next time...

Nightmares you wish would come true.

I had a pretty awesome dream last night. But first I have to give you some backstory. I have reoccurring panic stricken nightmares that my ex-boyfriend (whom I have a restraining order against) comes back into my life. In the dreams, he is usually trying to trap me or hurt me or damage my life or the lives of the one's I love in some way. 

But in last night's dream, my soulmate and boyfriend tricked and hurt him in the dream. He pretended to be nice to said ex  boyfriend and shook his hand... Just to flip him over onto his head and put him flat out onto his back. 

While he was on the ground ex boyfriend disappeared into thin air. I kinda woke up applauding. My boyfriend had already left for work, otherwise I would have thanked him for saving my life over and over, even in my dreams. :)

I hope this means ex boyfriend will be absent from my dreams for a while. I don't even hate him anymore, I just would like to never see him ever again, in my nightmares or otherwise. 

The Good 2013 - The Next 15

Hello all,
Here are the next 15 Good Things of 2013.
Been kinda hard lately keeping it positive I must say but posting this list every 15 days gives me a reason to try and smile.

Here goes...
Jan 16 - Slept in and then made a sign for outside with our house number on it and it came out great!
Jan 17 - The Vampire Diaries came back on TV today and I got some brainstorm style writing done for a chapter in my novel.
Jan 18 - Played the classic text based game Zork for the first time in a long time and it was fun even though I never get past the maze underground.
Jan 19 - Took Trixie to the dog park and then had a wonderful sushi dinner and movie night with John. We watched Expendables 2, The Dark Knight Rises and half of the Avengers. Stayed up pretty late!
Jan 20 -  Had a wonderful spa pedicure and manicure courtesy of my John.
Jan 21 - I am glad that I live in a country that shows progress by who they choose as President, two terms in a row.
Jan 22 - I realized that even though the person I love would rather me take the easier path, he understands my need for personal progress.
Jan 23 - I created a bunch of new beads out of clay. I love being creative.
Jan 24 - I had my first driving lesson today. I found out that I am no longer scared of driving.
Jan 25 - Listened to an album I haven't listened to since my teenage years. Superdrag - Regretfully Yours and I still pretty much like it.
Jan 26 - I had a great night of sleep. Which is rare for me.
Jan 27 - I worked on my novel. Things are really starting to flesh out nicely. I can't wait until the whole story is in place then I can edit.
Jan 28 - Another driving lesson. My teacher thought I parallel parked before. I was that good I guess?
Jan 29 - I appreciate the way my boyfriend looks out for me and how good opportunities are coming my way.
Jan 30 -  I love on demand on Cablevision. It's awesome.

Next list will be up around Valentine's Day <3

The First 15 days of the Good 2013

I am trying an experiment this year.

I am trying to write/jot down/record at least ONE thing that had brought me some sort of happiness during the day, everyday for this year. I have finished the first 15 days.

But for now, this is the first 15 days of 2013, on a positive note.

Here goes:

Jan 1 - cooked roast beef with John and gave some to Trixie she was kinda like a crack addict about it. She loved it!
Jan 2 - laughed like hell at a Milk Dud squished on John's pajama pants that apparently he had sat on.
Jan 3 - looked at Twilight stuff on Etsy and bought the Avengers movie on Blu-ray.
Jan 4 - had one of my favorite foods: sushi and packaged up an Etsy order for someone in the Bronx. 
Jan 5 -  took Trixie to the dog park, sketched a few more pieces of jewelry,  had a good dinner with John's parents, watched Breaking Dawn Part 2 again and this other movie called Gone. Got a bit tipsy.
Jan 6 - slept in. Did some laughing at Mob Wives one of the few reality shows I actually enjoy.
Jan 7*- I realized that my parents still have my back after all these years. Today was a hard one to find something good to talk about. I had to quit my job because it was making me sick. I had kept it inside way too long. But a positive note of that is: I stood up for myself and my feelings and that is a big step for me.
Jan 8 - had a great talk with an old friend that made me laugh and feel better. I also realized that just because someone isn't vocal about their feelings doesn't mean that they do not care. I also realized how romantic I am. I actually quoted Edward Cullen to my boyfriend and 100% meant it. (I think sometimes I belong in the Victorian era, I can be sappy and corny sometimes. I just call it being passionate about what and who you love.)
Jan 9 - Had a pleasant chat with the checkout guy at the Shoprite. Proof that you don't need to have a job that makes a billion dollars to be a pleasant, intelligent, and mindful person.
Jan 10- Accomplished something I should have done over 15 years ago. Got my driver's permit!
Jan 11 - Spent my Christmas present gift card in ACMoore. I was like a kid in a candy store! I got so many useful and fun things!
Jan 12 - started listing my new items on Etsy. I feel so accomplished after I list an item.
Jan 13 - Took Trixie to the dog park and met a dog who was crazy about playing fetch. She kept coming up to John and I "asking" us to throw the ball by barking in a friendly way at us.
Jan 14 - Spent most of the day at my parents house. Realized how alike my father and I are. And that's a good thing.
Jan 15 - I cleaned most of the house and realized how much I really like Fleetwood Mac. I listened to 2 if their albums on vinyl.


*I am going to go more into this in a future blog post. I want to keep it light and airy with this post. And that story, is most certainly not light and airy.

The next list of good things in 2013 will be up here around Jan 31st.
  

So it's a new year...

I know almost every person I know makes New Year's resolutions. I had never felt compelled to make any until I found myself struggling to maintain everyday happiness as I did at the latter part of 2012.

It was not that I was unhappy because of a particular reason, although, I think that one thing definitely triggered it (that "thing" might be discussed later when I feel more comfortable about it) and then the thoughts, emotions, insecurities, and overall sadness took me to a place that was not where I wanted to be.

I have to say that now, I am at peace with that said thing. But it will still never bring me happiness, I have just decided that it will no longer make me unhappy.

That being said... albiet quite cryptically... I am going to do one thing per day that makes me happy. Only me.

It can be something as small as reading a fellow writer's newly completed chapter, creating something new, or something like having a great day out with my boyfriend.

I think that this is a great way for me to maintain happiness in my life.

And happiness in life is very important.

Don't you think?

The Morbidly Incomprehensible.

I have decided to write this in light of all the recent tragedy and violence in the past month or so and the reactions – both beautiful and ignorant- of the public.

The way my natural reaction process goes when I witness instances of tragedy like this is at first I feel sadness, then anger, then disgust especially when the negative reactions are said and done in the name of God or religion.

For example, those religious zealots who claim that the reason for the recent natural disasters such as Hurricane Sandy is because of “God’s anger” over  the legalizing of homosexual marriage in some states.   

My response to people who hold this belief is thus:

You are an idiot, you are close-minded, and your view of God is pathetic. If you honestly believe that God hates humans of a certain gender loving someone else of the same gender, I feel so sorry for you it brings me to tears. If you think your God hates anything or anyone, especially LOVE between two people I think you probably need to rethink your interpretation of most of your religious teachings.

As I have said here before, I am not a religious person, but I do believe in God and I do have my own set of moral structures. None of them include HATE of any sort. It’s a shame that so many supposed “believers” do include HATE of something or something as their belief structure.  

Another example of unbelievable ignorance is anyone who believes that the reason why a gunman has gone into a school and killed 26 people is because prayer is not allowed in schools anymore is also delusional.  

And don’t even get me started on those Westboro Baptist people. If they try to protest the funerals of anyone killed in that horrible tragedy, especially any of the children, they deserve anything they encounter. I hope that there are human walls blocking them, singing songs of peace and unity. And that their “message” falls on deaf ears.

I know that the best way to stop people with these hateful outlooks on life and its situations is to simply pay them no mind and to concentrate on the good in life and the good that I honestly do believe is still in humanity. I just had to get this out of my heart and mind and into written form.  Sometimes that makes me come to terms with the morbidly incomprehensible.

Thanksgiving.

It has been a while since I have posted and I probably could complain a novel's worth on here but I won't. 
Nobody wants to hear plain ol' bitching and complaining, even though, I'm sure some of you would relate to my complaints. 

So, I have decided that I will make a list of all the things I am thankful for and the reasons why.

Here goes:

I am thankful for everyone who's ever been my friend. Even the ones who are no longer my friend. I am thankful that you at least gave me a chance for a while. Trust me, some of your words, thoughtfulness, and actions have saved my life. In some cases, more than once.  I know that I'm not always the most diligent and visible friend (I don't always make shows or gatherings or parties or plans) but your friendship and invitations are much appreciated. That will never change. I just find it most comfortable for myself and my sanity to stay in my own environment a lot of the time, and also that my transportation (and sometimes funds) are often limited.  

I thank my oldest friends for accepting and consoling me at my worst and celebrating and encouraging me at my best. Sometimes I don't know what those two things (best/worst) are anymore so sometimes I need you to let me know.  

And for those who are no longer my friends. I remember the good times, no matter how bad they got. Sometimes two souls are just not meant to coexist.

I am thankful for my talents. There are many things that people have pointed out to me that I cannot do well but there are also many other things that I know and have been told that I do well or at least somewhat well.  
Being a musician, a writer, crafter, and all around creative being are some things that I know I was put on this earth to do. It may not be profitable or practical or even have a valid point to some people's eyes but to mine nevertheless it is my reason for existing. A pure reflection of myself.
I cannot change the happiness these abilities give to me or transpose that happiness onto something else. Working a day job will never make me happy, unless I am the one that created that day job. The bewilderment I feel being forced to do something for monetary gain will never overshadow the joy I feel in being creative. Although, I must admit it is a constant struggle. 

Last, but certainly not least, I am thankful for my ability to LOVE at all costs. Even when someone I love is being difficult or not understanding my intentions, I am thankful that I never give up on them. I wouldn't want them to give up on me would I? No, of course not. 
"Do onto others..."  
And even when what I love is hated and ridiculed by others, I still love it because it means something precious to me.  

I am understanding more and more that what matters to me is all that counts and as long as I keep my intentions pure and positive, things should work out in good favor. 

These things I am thankful for make me thankful to be alive.
And being alive is most certainly a good thing.

-L

Departmental Characterizations

 Departmental Characterizations by Lisa M. Bello

If I tell you honestly the things that offend me you would think me odd,

Or maybe you wouldn't if you really paid attention.

The things I try to do out of my own mind to be with your ideals and expectations,

Never seem to line up.

The frustration I feel is such,

The anger turns into a pure involuntary sadness.

The chills one gets before crying have become commonplace. 

I don't think many people will understand, 

Least of all the ones I want to understand the most.

The tears fall in public,

And without warning.

I'm trying to remain even tempered and sane,

When every bone, muscle, and organ in my body is telling me to flee.

I know this may be a product of my retched experience,

With people who have a power over me.

The resulting feelings are nothing I can avoid or suppress.

Like the dark clouds before a storm, they come and keep coming. 

There is not much I can do about it. 

"Sucking it up" can only go so far,

Sooner or later something will break or bend. 

Or maybe get washed away in the flood waters.

Sometimes I honestly wish it would.

Take with it the blame, guilt, uncertainty, and sorrow it has left in its wake.

Maybe I'm just having a bad day.

Maybe my heart is tired.

Maybe Im tired of being who I have to be.

I just want to be who I am.

Too bad that being who I am is not profitable or approved or easily categorized.

The world is a series of departmental characterizations. 

None of which I fit,

None of which I think I will ever fit. 

The Rebel by Lisa M. Bello

There's a little rebel inside of me that's dying.
And as it does it screams.

Screaming obscenities to a three chord soundtrack.
It's dressed in black and has spikes on its jacket.

On every finger a ring,
A skull,
Black onyx silver barbed wire.

It's everything the world hates,
But it's everything I love.

Pure in form and vision,
Nothing about it is fake.
I wish I could see it live,
But real life gave it a call,
Told it was being put on death row.
 Next to dreams, purity, and fulfillment.

But I wonder what will replace the rebel.
Because there always is a replacement.

Just like a lightbulb,
It can't burn forever.

The rebel, my friend, will die a hero.
It fought he good fight.
Even though its death sentence is true.

The host although oblivious,
Will die along with it.