Departmental Characterizations

 Departmental Characterizations by Lisa M. Bello

If I tell you honestly the things that offend me you would think me odd,

Or maybe you wouldn't if you really paid attention.

The things I try to do out of my own mind to be with your ideals and expectations,

Never seem to line up.

The frustration I feel is such,

The anger turns into a pure involuntary sadness.

The chills one gets before crying have become commonplace. 

I don't think many people will understand, 

Least of all the ones I want to understand the most.

The tears fall in public,

And without warning.

I'm trying to remain even tempered and sane,

When every bone, muscle, and organ in my body is telling me to flee.

I know this may be a product of my retched experience,

With people who have a power over me.

The resulting feelings are nothing I can avoid or suppress.

Like the dark clouds before a storm, they come and keep coming. 

There is not much I can do about it. 

"Sucking it up" can only go so far,

Sooner or later something will break or bend. 

Or maybe get washed away in the flood waters.

Sometimes I honestly wish it would.

Take with it the blame, guilt, uncertainty, and sorrow it has left in its wake.

Maybe I'm just having a bad day.

Maybe my heart is tired.

Maybe Im tired of being who I have to be.

I just want to be who I am.

Too bad that being who I am is not profitable or approved or easily categorized.

The world is a series of departmental characterizations. 

None of which I fit,

None of which I think I will ever fit.