September Sucks --- Bring on October.

In the ongoing dark comedy which is my life, there has been another dramatic happening.

This morning, I went to roll my driver's side window down and it completely shattered into a million pieces. The glass went everywhere, including inside the back of my pants. I cut my hand trying to remove glass as to not impale myself with the giant pieces of safety glass that "safely" stuck together.

Since this was a window that was recently serviced, there was probably some error done in servicing it. Mistakes happen and I did not get angry, but I must admit the “pop” I heard when the glass began to shatter scared the shit out of me. I brought the car to be repaired and it should be done tomorrow.

I did have a lot to do today to prepare for my great new job which included going to said new job to tidy things up, but fate told me that was not to be so. I must stay home.

I can’t help thinking that this was for some sort of reason. But, what that reason was I have not clue # 1.

I received a loaner car. I do not want to drive that loaner car very far or at all for fear my bad luck might spread onto it too. After that ordeal, I kind of don't want to go anywhere in a car for a day or so.

Besides, I really like my own car, it suits me.

Ugh. I hate September.

Bring on Halloween. It's less scary.

I am a college graduate... now what?

Last month, I graduated college almost nineteen years from when I started.

It has been a long journey and there are some things I have realized along the way.

1. It is never too late to improve your life.

If you had asked me six years ago if I ever saw myself going back to college or doing anything other than office work for the rest of my life, I would have told you that I was happy where I was and what I was doing. I never thought that an upset in my life, that felt like a tragedy at the time, would pave the way for incredible and rewarding things for my future. But, that is exactly what it did. If I did not quit that job that was making me miserable in 2013, I would not be pursuing a worthwhile future in 2016. If you are miserable, and your heart tells you every day that you need to be somewhere else doing something else, try your best to make that change come true. Now, I realize that all the great people in my life made this possible for me without that much difficulty. Sacrifices were made, but none that I would not have done for them if they needed me to and if I was able. That leads me to my next realization...

2. Things that may seem impossible are not usually, in fact, impossible.

I am sure that you have heard the old adage, "Where there is a will, there is a way"? Oftentimes, this is always true. Not saying that it will be easy or without pitfalls, but the will has to be there in order for the way to be paved. I suggest that if you have something you know in your heart of hearts to be what you want to have in your life, make a plan and do a little something each day to be closer to the goal of that plan. Have hope and faith in yourself, even if those around you feel like what you are doing is ridiculous. IT IS NOT RIDICULOUS. You never know what you can do until you try to do it. Don't let anyone stop you. Especially not that nagging, self-depreciating voice inside your own head. That one is the most evil and the most painful of all the negative voices.

3. Evolving is not changing who you are at your core. It is just changing how you appear to be.

I am still a fan of the dark and macabre. I still love rock n' roll and I know it saved my life when it needed saving. I still love Star Wars, stories about vampires and superheroes, and poems that rhyme. I'm not a different person now because I chose to evolve. I am the best version of me because I chose to evolve. There will be people who may try to tell you that you have changed because you're trying to improve your way of life, your income, or your happiness. Hell, I even had someone say that I was too "traditional" for choosing an office job when it was what I felt suited me at the time. If you keep your core values inside your heart at all times you will not change who you are. You're only changing what you appear to be to the outside world. I'm still a person with a sense of humor, I still love the same things I loved before I graduated college, and I always will. It's not throwing away the old you and trading it for a new you. IT IS NOT SELLING OUT. It is adding more color, more vibrancy, more knowledge, and more material to your existence. That is never a bad thing and don't let anyone ever make you feel like it is.

4. If there are good people surrounding you, you will do better. 

Surround yourself with people who enrich every part of you. Of course, no one person, unless you are very lucky, will make your whole character feel enriched all the time. Sometimes you have to gather the bits and pieces of enrichment from different people. But, one constant has to be present in all of these people: THEY HAVE TO BE INHERENTLY GOOD. Their heart has to show no animosity, envy, or malice towards yours. You have to be aware of these things and realize when they are present because they are toxic when they are. A friend or a colleague should never make you feel anything other than valued. Even a superior. It is possible to be a boss and not be condescending. Remaining humble is also something that should weed out people like this. Don't act like your turds are 24k gold and they usually won't act like theirs are platinum. If they do, they are not inherently good, and try to get away from them ASAP.

5. Never give up on your dreams, even if you have to do other things and make 10,000 mistakes while pursuing them.

I think that one is self-explanatory, but just in case...don't give up. Make your dream come true even if it is on a smaller scale than what you wanted. NEVER STOP TRYING.


-LMB

Poetry: An Assemblage of Wrongs

An Assemblage of Wrongs

Departing a room,

in which we both breathe,

Inspiration smashes,

the heart inside of me.

Your humble brilliance,

like something contagious,

Invades my atmosphere,

shatters all obligations.

Questioning glances,

some ancient puzzle.

Perhaps it’s attraction,

in a kindred souls muddle.

I won’t try to quiet,

stentorian songs.

My soul is enraptured

in an assemblage of wrongs.  

-Lisa M. Bello

Poetry: For A Friend

For A Friend

I spoke of your journey,

On that fatal day.

Of how you left this life,

With no final say.

How far did you travel,

When you were out of your mind?

It’s been a decade,

 And no clue can I find.

You walked into the forest,

 And laid on the land.

Nothing but the void,

No note in your hand.

You left in a blizzard,

On St. Valentine’s Day.

Razors in your pockets,

For your life’s final play.

And was it soothing,

The cold on your skin?

Was it relieving,

The torment you were in?

Was your last vision,

a blanket white?

Or was it the tunnel,

that ends with the light? 

- Lisa M. Bello

Poetry: Menagerie of Wonder

Menagerie of Wonder

I don’t care enough, to care how it looks

To gather the jigsaw, and read all your books

You’re a great mystery, with flashes of light

A jackrabbit journey, with no end in sight.

So, I pack a book bag, with no literature in it

Just flashlights, and moonbeams, and emotive trinkets.

My fingers cannot find, the right words

To spell out how I feel, and dispel the urge

To rip open your mind and run around inside

To breathe in your vapors, your joy, and your strife.

A forest of reasoning

Of darkness,

Of truth.

Waits inside

the vast country,

And the borders of you.

Your pulse and your blood,

Keeps driving me under.

To your blanket of truth

And your Menagerie of Wonder.

-Lisa M. Bello

I truly am a bad blogger

I have gotten better at actually attempting to write something creatively every day, but I am still really bad at updating my blog on a regular basis.

I guess because I do most of my creative writing (and most of my "sentence crafting" in general) with a pen and paper and the computer is the last step in my initial writing process.

That being said, I am going to post some new poetry soon and...a snippet of writing from my "work in progress" novel.

I will set it up for automatic posting so I don't have to actively think about it at a certain time each week.

Promise.

-L

Thursday Afternoon Songs: Magazine Mirror

Thursday Afternoon Songs: Magazine Mirror

What I do just ain't your scene,
I don't live in a magazine.
And, you're stupid and you're mean,
Cuz' I don't live in a magazine

He'll never
Like me
For what I am

He's stupid
He's shallow
And, he's bland

I won't be
Taken
For a fool

Please don't
include me
With you

I am not a normal girl
I don't belong in this world
Through the clouds I see the sun
Scarring the face of everyone

He'll never
Like me
For what I am

He's stupid
He's shallow
And, he's bland

I won't be
Taken
For a fool

Please don't
include me
With you

I'll never be a beauty queen
So, go on and be mean
It just ain't my scene
It ain't my scene

Go on and measure me
I'll never be petite,
But pure hearts can see
Just how to love someone like me.

My Short Story: A Sense of Normal

My short story: A Sense of Normal is being featured on an online Halloween event on Facebook.

If you can, check it out.

https://www.facebook.com/events/1655642991381785/1663691060576978/

Some other spooky tales, short films, and music is going to be featured too.

Happy Halloween!

-The LMB

Thursday Afternoon Songs: Pretty Please with a bonus for my birthday...

Sixth Installment of Thursday Afternoon Songs: Pretty Please

Pretty Please

Sometimes I just hate the world and all of its ways
We built it up, this wicked kingdom
No remorse and no love

Burn it down
For me
To the ground
Pretty Please

Lying, cheating, murdering
Just what have we become?
I don't care if the sky falls down on me
I don't care at all.

Burn it down
For Me
To the ground
Pretty Please.


And bonus, because it is my birthday and I'm feeling generous.
A YouTube video of my old band playing the song live in our rehearsal room a few years ago.

Five Things Wrong With Social Media

30 Day Writing Challenge Day #1 – Five Things Wrong With Social Media

So, I’m embarking on this 30 day writing challenge with one post a week.

The first topic is: Five Things Wrong with Social Media

Okay, so where to start… I would say that the first thing that comes to mind when I think of this question is:         

1.   It reduces our ability as humans to actually talk to each other.

     I unfortunately was able to be more social through the advent of social media because I was ALWAYS the type of person that got their ideas, feelings, and thoughts out better through writing than I ever did by simply talking to someone. My social anxiety still kicks me in the ass when I try to speak to someone new in person, but through social media…I’m the calmest, least anxiety ridden version of me to the same person. That being said, I do think there is something irreplaceable and so fulfilling about a face-to-face conversation. Sometimes social media can seem fake or not like real life and when you are actually speaking to someone face-to-face, lying and manipulating are not always as easy as they are online. Not to say that real life bullshit artists aren’t still around, it’s just that social media has made them so much braver and seemingly abundant.

2.     What you put up on social media is there forever.

     Every comment, every stupid selfie, every relationship status, etc. is up there forever. Even if you delete it. It opens up an individual to criticism and scrutiny. It is also human to change and sometimes social media does not allow this. This is a bad thing because people do and should change. Change is good. Social media sometimes makes us feel like  we’re not entitled to change our lives because of the idea of self we have created for ourselves online. Also, god forbid you ever get drunk and take a picture of yourself drunk or some other “frowned upon” activity. Employers and other authority figures can use that against you. Your opinions, which are your right to have, become “facts” and tidbits ABOUT you not just something YOU SAID.  Which brings us to…

 3.   It gives racist, sexist, ageist, homophobic, and general assholelic (yes, I made that word up) people a platform to spew hate.

     If I had a dollar for every asshole comment on the internet I would be a damn millionaire. The worst aspect of this is that one asshole finds another asshole and on and on until there is an online community of them. One really does not even have to leave the Facebook website to see many examples of this. The fact that online bullying has spearheaded international and national legislation is proof that it has gone too far.

4.    It has created and spread the stupidest campaigns and trends ever.

     Is the dress gold and white or blue and black? Which promoted pointless arguing amongst friends. The collarbone challenge that promoted body dysmorphia. The fact that snopes.com exists is proof that so much non-truth is spread through social media.

5.    “If there are no pictures of this thing that you said that happened on social media, I do not believe it actually happened”

     This is something that bothers me a lot. Especially at events, namely concerts. Listen, I go to a concert to hear a band, rock out, and, if the concert is really good, possibly have a transcendent experience. I did not pay my $25 or whatever to snap 10,000 pictures or video of the musicians playing, so I can PROVE to my friends that I am there. I would honestly rather my friends come with me and enjoy the concert too with their own senses.

Thursday Afternoon Songs: Triumph to Be Alive

Fifth Installment of Thursday Afternoon Songs: Triumph to Be Alive

Triumph to Be Alive

I don't need you to say
It’s all gonna be ok
Cuz from you it just don't mean a thing
From you it just don't mean a thing

The night comes and I’m afraid
I won't live to see the day
My friend finds it hard to survive
A triumph to be alive

It’s in one ear and out the other

But it's in one ear and out the other

Lacking in confidence
And making no fucking sense
But I’m trying harder than you
To chase away the blue

But it’s in one ear and out the other 

Yeah it's in one ear and out the other

One day it'll be gone
Never say you can't go on

A triumph, to be alive.

30-Day Writing Challenge

I don't believe in #NaNoWriMo.
Because I would be forcing creativity way too heavily. But...
I vow to use each of these suggestions to write a blog post in the coming months. Not one a day like a challenge. But, one a week is definitely a worthwhile goal! I'll start this weekend!

Thursday Afternoon Songs: Always

Fourth Installment of Thursday Afternoon Songs


Always

What a day I had today
More than one drink could make it go away
But I don't think so I said
I just can't get you out of my head

What did you think we would do?
Everyone waited for you

It’s a hard road I know
And the journey's so slow
But the people along the way
Either fail or make you safe

The hardest thing to do
Is sit here waiting for the truth.

And when you're gone
Remember me strong
And where you go
Remember my love
Always

Just what did you think we would do?
Everyone waited for you.

Thursday Afternoon Songs: Epiphany

Third Installment of Thursday Afternoon Songs

Epiphany

It rains on us all

The tongues are knives

And all you saw

You were paralyzed

But now in spite of everything

The pawn has now become the queen

Trees stand when once they leaned

The pawn has now become the queen

Hearts, lungs, and arms

Lie broken on the floor

And you swear to god

This won’t happen anymore

But when it does you’ll be prepared

And now in spite of everything

The pawn has now become the queen

Trees stand when once they leaned

The pawn has now become the queen

But now in spite of everything

The pawn has now become the queen

Trees stand when once they leaned

The pawn has now become the queen

Thursday Afternoon Songs: Bleed Red

Second Installment of Thursday Afternoon Songs

Bleed Red

There’s a message in the heartache.

There’s a message in the pieces.

Gotta’ man up fight your demon.

And break away from all that scheming.

All the wouldn’t and the couldn’t.

All excuses don’t you know that?

All the grudges and the fighting,

Makes peace more elusive.

Our precious hearts, we’re not in need of anymore

Well, I’d rather be dead.

These aching arms, left empty by lovers

Well, we all bleed red.

I don’t want to be afraid now.

I don’t want to wash away now.

You’re in trouble if you’re thinking

You can survive on all that hate

And

All the drugs won’t make your heart grow

All the faith won’t help you to let go.

Our precious hearts, we’re not in need of anymore

Well, I’d rather be dead

These aching arms, left empty by lovers

Well, we all bleed red

And

You can’t take, the world and all its upsets

But

I swear it’s really beautiful.

To give in, to drastic measures

When we all bleed red.

What will you say at the end?

When all the flowers are dead?

When all the tears start to flow

You look

And

See no one you know.

When I live and you just breathe

Yes

I’ll live and you’ll just breathe.

Thursday Afternoon Songs: Fairytale

I am going to start posting bits of my writing here for the internet to look at. I will start with some of the lyrics I have written.

I'll call it: Thursday Afternoon Songs

*********************

Fairytale endings, are what dreams are made of

Well, prince charming is dead.

And your ships never gonna come in, you're fooling yourself you know it.

With all of this in your head.

But I gotta believe in something

Cuz' you believe in nothing

You tell me I’m crazy

Well yeah maybe I am

I see the city behind the smog

Hope and feeling, love and meaning, aren’t pleasures empty

No matter what you say.

But I gotta believe in something

Cuz' you believe in nothing

When the world is falling down will you say you believe?

In the end,

The end,

Of the world.

But I gotta believe in something

Cuz' you believe in nothing

I'm taking a break from schoolwork to ambiguously rant a little...

So, the semester has started and I am sort of in a busy funk. Thinking way too much, but writing some interesting prose, poems, and what I like to call the bits-and-pieces of my unreleased and unfinished (yet!) series.

I feel simultaneously like I am not living up to my own potential and doing better than others who have chosen the same path.

I think the difference that separates these two variables is this:

The aspect of whether or not I care either way.

I am pursuing something that will make me relatively happy and it is a worthwhile goal, but there is that overwhelming sense of people not understanding why I am choosing to do this at this point in my life and the opposing crowd who says: "Why did you wait so long?"

I consider myself not indecisive, but a person who thinks about things for WAY longer than they should AND a person who has just enough confidence to START but not always enough to finish.

I think it is about time that I actually finish something. For me. If it inadvertently makes someone I love happy and "proud" of me then that is pretty superb, but not really necessary or even deserved.

Ugh. So, what is the point you say?

The point is: I care about what I think of what I have done. I do not care if anyone approves. Although, when someone does approve it makes the journey, struggle, and hard work a little bit more pleasant and less arduous.

I do because I can. And, because if I do not, no one else will.

And if they do, it would not be the same as if I do it.

-The LMB

PS. If you can understand this or if ANY of it resonates with your soul, heart, and/or brain. You are invited to have a drink with me. I'll take a Southern Comfort on the rocks with Rose's Lime Juice, what will you be having?

I've decided to get rid of my website

I have decided to make my domain name, www.lisambello.com, point to this blog and this blog only.

I guess I will post up on this blog some of the things that were on my website that you can no longer see.

Since I want to make my web presence more about my writing, I figure having a blog at the forefront of it is a smart decision. Plus, it's a less expensive one and money is not something that has been abundant in my life for the past few years.

So, stay tuned for me posting some new/old stuff.

Also, I am trying a new thing out... called Medium. Here's my page on it.

https://medium.com/@LisaMBello

I will post there and post on other's writings.

Should be fun.

-The LMB

Spring Break

Spring Break.

Never in my college years (the first ones and the current ones) have I ever gone away for Spring Break.

Do people actually do that or is it just a bunch of BS that MTV tries to t(s)ell us?

Not like it feels anything like spring here in the Northeast.

Sometimes I feel like Jack Torrence.

I have no need to follow suit.

I see all these health conscious and exercise savvy people on my News Feed on Facebook and I really have to commend them all.
I don't have the discipline for any of that shit, even if I did, I don't know if I'd be as enthusiastic as they all are about it.
Again, no disrespect and I commend, love, and respect all my friends on social media but it in no way influences my motivation to do the same.

I guess it should, but... it doesn't.

My philosophy on these sorts of things is this:

Life is too damn short to deprive myself of anything. I am going to drink that wine and eat that fattening food. I'm not going to make either of those things an addiction because then to me it crosses over into harmful territory. To me, those things are not harmful in and of themselves.

I feel that if you let anything take over your thinking process completely, where you become obsessed over it and it affects your everyday life and makes you unhappy or extremely unhealthy, that is a problem that should be stopped.

Draw a line for yourself but do not obsess over that line.

You could not wake up tomorrow.

That weird fear you get when you call out of work...

I stayed home from work today because I could not sleep last night. I was up until like 2am tossing and turning and then woke up every half hour after that.

Since I wake up at 5:15am when I go to work, I sent an email to work that early.
I figured the only way I could fall back asleep is to take NyQuil. I don't like doing that but the headache I had was formative. I needed some Zs! I finally got some morning sleep.

The thing that gets me is, even though I had a perfectly legitimate reason for staying home. This guilt lingers. I guess it is properly called fear.

I think I will blame it on being raised in an old school work ethic that you go to work even if you are borderline dying. And, this widespread belief that calling out puts your job in jeopardy.

I don't want to jinx my job because I love it but it had to be said. If I would have showed up at work today I would have been useless. All yawny and foggy headed.

Sometimes it is better to stay home when you are feeling off, sick, tired, or otherwise not at at least 95%.

Because let's be honest: No one is 100%, 100% of the time.

Ugh Snow.

Since I have become a homeowner I have lost all my love for snow.

I used to love looking at it all pretty piling up on the cars and sidewalks... this was before I had to clean off my own car and shovel the snow off of my sidewalks.

The only thing snow is good for is that my dog pretty much loves it. She gets SOOOOO excited when she sees it piling up in the backyard. She plays in it and gets it all on her fur. Seeing her happy makes me not hate snow so much.

I don't really mind driving in it but I would much rather stay home. Thankfully, the job I currently have and my school that I go to both have snow days pretty often. I'm glad that I will be going into a career that doesn't make me go out into the bad weather to potentially kill myself. Yet another reinforcing prospect of my choice.

That makes me happy but snow...yeeeeeck.

-L.

New Website Design and other stuff.

So... I realized that I had not posted on this blog for almost a year, but I have been extremely busy.
Most of the summer I spent writing and re-writing and editing and thinking about and worrying about my novel An Absorber In the Megacosm: The Naturenetics Book One. 

Although the final edit is not completed yet (I've still got a few more chapters to go) I've made a good deal of progress. I've also had a lot of other events in my life outside of writing and creating.

I got a job as a Language Arts tutor at a local high school and I really enjoy it. It's really close to my college so the parking and commute is rather easy. I also completed my Junior Practicum and realized I will probably like teaching.

As for everything else, it is all pretty happy. I really don't have any complaints other than day to day stupidity of people driving and such. Nothing really else to report.

For now, I ask you to check out my new revamped website.

http://www.lisambello.com

Come back here if you want for commenting on it.

Until next time...

L.M.B.

Snowed in and sleepy

So, we're pretty snowed in here in the northeast and school has been canceled for the second time this  week.

My dog, is the only one who still loves the snow and gets really excited when she sees it. Me? I'm mehhhhhh about it. And I hate the word "meh".

I figured this is a good of a time as any to tell you how my first full semester went. 

Well... I got straight As and I got on the Dean's List for the Fall 2013 semester. 

I am not a bragging person really and I don't really like going on about things like that because people get annoyed. So that will be the only time you will hear me mention the Dean's List. 

I haven't been writing creatively all that much aside from one song, yes, song. 

I wrote the lyrics to some music I had on my iPad's Gatageband app for a while. I recorded the vocals and then posted them to Facebook. Incidentally, on a music fan page that I hadn't used in over a year. 

It's called "Heartbeat". Here it is if you aren't my friend on Facebook. 

http://lisambello.com/Heartbeat.mp3

As for the novel I'm doing as much editing as I can inbetween school assignments. There's been a lot of tweaking and rewriting. That Creative Writing class did do me some good, although I'm terrified of others opinions on the story at this point. It's kinda like a baby, I'm not ready for it yo go out in the world yet. 

Maybe some beta readers first? 

Where were you on September 11th 2001?

It's been 12 years and I still hate this day.

I don't like switching on the TV to see those images played over and over again. 

I don't want to see it or relive it. It's still fresh in my mind.

You see, I didn't only see it on TV that day. I saw it right in front of me. Heard all the sirens and I was in a transportation hub that connected to the World Trade Center as it was happening. 

"Service to the World Trade Center has been suspended due to police activity." I remember hearing over the loudspeaker in Jersey City's Journal Square.

I remember what I was listening to on the bus to Journal Square. Veruca Salt's Blow It Out Your Ass. "Shimmer Like a Girl" was the song I was listening to on my old Sony Discman when I first saw the Twin Towers on fire. My friend Ima who coincidentally was on the same bus as I was at the time pointed over her shoulder and said something to the effect of "I can't believe that someone did that!" The entire bus gasped in horror as we looked at the smoke billowing out of the towers at around 9:15 that morning.

I remember also being at Journal Square about to board the bus to Bayonne, where I was working at the time, and overhearing two women talking...

"When the first one hit, I thought it was an accident. But when the second one hit I knew something was wrong. That ain't no accident!"

What was weird was this whole time, I said nothing. All I did was observe what was around me. I find that I often do this when I feel I can't offer any comfort and/or I do not know what exactly the weight is of what is happening. 

When I finally arrived at work I saw my boss crying. She hugged me and told me to call my mother. I was guessing that she had probably called my job to see if I had arrived there yet. I didn't even own a cell phone at the time.

My boss then told me to go home and that I wouldn't be working that day. Her eyes welled up with tears as she hugged me again. The whole time going home I didn't even listen to my music, which is extremely odd for me when I'm riding public transit. I listened to the people, what they were saying, who they were saying it to; most of what I heard was fear and concern for their loved ones. The anger didn't start until the day after. 

I still don't understand exactly WHY that happened that day. I don't think I ever will. 

What's weird is I never actually liked that section of Manhattan. Not Battery Park or the Financial District per se but the Towers themselves. I always felt an errie sense of panic and an ache in my heart whenever I was near them, little did I know, they would fall upon people having the same feelings for much more severe reasons later on.

Back in May, when my cousin was visiting from Maine, I went to the 9-11 Memorial because she wanted to see it. I still didn't like going there but I must say when I arrived I found the Memorial beautiful and peaceful. 

I am always interested in hearing where people were when they heard about 9-11 or, like me, where they were when they witnessed it first hand. 

Either way, when people say "Never Forget" on this day, I respond inside my mind. 

"I couldn't forget it even if I wanted to. Its hard to forget seeing something like that with your own eyes." 

Why the delay in posts?

I have not really been able to post because I have been busy with getting started with my college classes for Fall. I took two classes in Summer also (July to August) so that explains my absence for the entire month of August. I don't know who reads my blog but to those who do, I'm going to try to not let that happen again, but I did get an A in one class and an A- in the other :)

As for school in general I would have to say I like it a lot and I am glad that I decided to go back. I would say all of my classes are good and none of my professors make me want to run from campus screaming, well at least not yet. 
I would say that the most serious class for me is the Introduction to the Study of Literature course. I think this is because I want to major in English with a Teacher's Certification and I have to make sure that I pass this class with at least a C so the pressure's on and it's not an easy class. But I think the content of the class is something that I am truly interested in so I think I will do well. I am crossing my fingers that it all turns out positive. 

I was glad to see that I am not the oldest in my classes. There are a lot of "fresh outta high school-ers" but not every one in the class is. Since I didn't really start at Freshman level since I had a bunch of credits under my belt, I guess that was to be expected. Most of the freshman I am encountering are in the few foundations courses I have to complete. 

I haven't officially declared my major yet (I will probably do that sometime in the next month or so)  but I would say that going back to school was a good decision. It's much more clear and I care more this time around. 

I think mostly, that's because I'm not a kid anymore. 

College as an adult.

So this past week I have returned to the land of the learning or school in layman's terms.

I have two classes for this summer session.
I have decided to take only two classes to ease myself back into school-going so my transition into a full time fall will be a little easier.

One class in I find absolutely interesting: Human Sexual Biology. I am taking this class ON campus two days a week for 4 hours each day. Seems like a long class but it really isn't boring so I expect to do well.

The other class: Physical Geography although I find it somewhat interesting, is a little harder for me. I am taking this class online through the college's online class system. I think I am not that excited about this class because I find that I have to do math. I'm really not good at math and I also don't enjoy doing it. I am going to try my best though, I'll consider it -literally- a learning experience. Maybe math and I can come to some sort of compromise. Perhaps we had gotten off on the wrong foot the last time we were forced to interact with one another ;)

After a little speed bump with financial aid that I got smoothed out today, I am on my way to my future. I am hoping that I continue being as motivated as I am now and I hope I don't lose this motivation as I go on.

I'm sure there will be days where I feel like I am not capable of it but I will not let them get me down. Either way, going to school is definitely better than continuing work at my last job.

I will not take this opportunity to continue and complete my education for granted. I could still be miserable and sick instead of just feeling my brain growing bigger with every chapter I read and every assignment I complete.

The future is indeed wide open.